Psychologists claim that the hardest period for a man is the age from 37 to 43 years. It is also called the middle age crisis. The psychology of a man at 40 is a subject of study for leading experts, since it is very difficult to find answers to many questions. This fatal period can bring significant damage to all areas of a man’s life. At the same time, not only one’s own self-esteem suffers, but also personal life.
Causes of disappointment
A man of 35-40 years old is quite predictable. A woman is no longer surprised by his bad mood and constant reproaches. You can bring a short list of men’s “essays”.
- “I want more freedom, you restrict me and do not allow me to live in peace.” And it does not matter that these “interests” are completely incompatible with the role of the husband.
- “I work a lot, so I will live as I want.” Although at the same time the wife can also spend the whole day at work, and in the evenings be engaged in housekeeping and children. What matters is what a man does.
- “You follow me and forbid me to communicate with friends.”
- “You are a bad mother and have raised children in the wrong way.” To the wife’s counter-question: “What did you do at that time?” – at best, you can get one answer: “It worked.”
- “You are only interested in your own hobbies and interests, you are not interested in my life.” But if the wife shows interest in her husband, this is perceived as interfering with his personal space and control.
- “You only need my money.”
- “The house is dirty, the children are ill-bred, the food is unappetizing.” Such a “song” for the wives of 40-year-olds has to be heard daily.
- “Do not ask why I am behaving this way, you still will not understand.”
- “Why do I suffer? I have one life, let’s divorce. ”
When a man turns 40, he thinks only about one thing – to escape from the “prison” in which he found himself. It is depressed by the fact that every day you need to return to the evil witch, when there are so many beautiful fairies around. This “breaking” leads to the fact that a man destroys a family and goes to meet the new and unknown. The fact that another life is not always better, during this period, he cares little. He is confident that ahead of him waiting for a miracle that will bring happiness.
Man is a hero
40 years old man – is the age when he begins to sum up. If he has some success, then he sincerely considers himself a winner and longs for universal approval and delight. First of all from the wife. But she can not always share his confidence in their own exclusivity. The wife stopped admiring her husband and giving him compliments, which is a big blow to his ego. Photos of men who are in this state, often give their dissatisfaction.
To satisfy his ambitions, a man is looking for a girl who will look at him with loving eyes and catch every word. It seems to him that if you don’t find such a fan now, then it will be too late. This fear is so strong that a man is ready to rush into the pool with his head and destroy everything that was created by such work.
A man begins to understand that he is exchanged for the fifth dozen, besides, his body begins to play pranks: now he gets sick, then he slaughters. The realization that old age is not as far as it seemed a couple of years ago, and perhaps the best years were left behind, causes a man to panic. Photos of men who were taken a few years ago are another confirmation of this.
Women may not even try to understand what it means for a man. Fear of impotence or weak erection is no comparison with the experiences of the fair sex about the new wrinkles or cellulite. Violation of sexual function for a man is like the end of life. When a man reaches 45 years old, his psychology changes.
Even if there is still no real problem, such thoughts make a man angry and aggressive. He gets annoyed over trifles and tries to get rid of the internal negative. But under stress, testosterone is a hormone of aggressiveness that spills out in large quantities, so a vicious circle is obtained. Often, it is the wife who becomes hostage to the situation.
The psychology of a man in 40 years has a characteristic feature – he is fully focused on his own achievements and intimate victories. He is confident that sexual relations with his wife have become obsolete and do not bring satisfaction. It remains only a sense of duty, which does not inspire at all the feats. Rather the opposite. The man feels unhappy, he realizes that his wife’s claims have tortured him, and it is he who blames her that his dreams have not yet been realized. During the crisis, he did not want to take care of the children and delve into their problems, all this seems to him not important. The main thing now is your own ego and satisfaction of your needs.
Of course, in all troubles, in the understanding of men, the wife is to blame. He is sure that she has ceased to understand him, that he is alone in the family and everyone uses him.
The crisis of forty years – a real earthquake
The psychology of a man in 40 years is such that he goes racing and does not think about anything. The thirst for freedom is very strong, and it seems to him that if you don’t “jump into the departing train” now, then it will be too late.
Primary psychology and specialists are sure that at this age the behavior of a man is similar to that of a teenager, and his thoughts are just as confusing. He wants romance and thrills, so he gets light intrigues and flirts with everyone. The most interesting thing is that it truly seems to a man that he has fallen in love. For the sake of his passion, he is ready to deceive his wife and forgets about the children. Inspiration gives him only the woman who is absolutely not like his demanding and evil wife.
How a forty-year-old married man behaves
Almost every wife of a forty-year-old husband noticed changes in his behavior that were caused by interest in other women. At the beginning of the “spree”, a man may not plan to leave his family, but a new sexual charge and long-forgotten emotions give him an incentive to live. After all, the passion for his wife has long subsided, although not every woman is ready to admit this fact.
The peak of sexual activity occurs at thirty years of age, so it is only natural that by the age of forty a man is no longer so strong in this regard. But this situation does not suit him at all, so he blames the woman for everything. In his understanding, it is she who cannot “start” him.
A man seeks confirmation of his own theory on the side. With new women, he feels quite confident, which is not surprising, because emotions are strong, and novelty always excites fantasy. But over time, everything returns to normal, because it is impossible to deceive nature.
The psychology of men in the family is such that if the wife accepts such a situation and does not consider it necessary to tear down the family because of the “foolishness” of her husband, then the marriage can exist in this mode for several more years. Most likely, when the crisis is over, the husband will again become loving and caring. But not every woman is ready to forgive betrayal.
Peak of divorce
When a man comes to age after 40, his psychology changes dramatically. Everything that he once sought, now seems to him completely irrelevant. He easily leaves the family and firmly believes that he will never return there. Well, who voluntarily returns to prison? But over time, his life with a good new fairy turns into a theater of the absurd: the man begins to compare her with the “old” wife, which, as it turned out, he cannot completely let go. His obligations are starting again, so he “runs away” to where he can be alone.
What to do to the woman
Argued that the interest of men can be returned with the help of a new image. But, as practice shows, this is complete nonsense. A woman should always look after herself and well-groomed, regardless of her husband’s attitude to her.
Most often, a man leaves not the woman who is younger or more beautiful, but the one who, as it seems to him, understands him better and does not require anything, agreeing to his “rules of the game.” Such a young lady attracts him most of all. He does not want to “strain”, spend big money on courtship and sacrifice his interests for the sake of a woman. But the most important thing that a man is looking for is novelty.
If a woman wants to keep her family
In this case, she needs to lock her mouth and not discuss the misbehavior of her husband. If a woman can show wisdom, then the man will “go crazy” and return to the family. Do not share your problem with friends and neighbors, so as not to cause unnecessary gossip.
You can enlist the support of the mother-in-law, because she hardly approves of the behavior of her married son. But sometimes you can “run into” the opposite situation: the mother-in-law may blame his wife for all troubles, because she is a bad hostess and does not taste good. And in general, husbands do not leave good wives. So it is worth several times to think whether to interfere in the family problems of parents.
Who is this rival
A man is unlikely to tell himself who his lover is and with whom he is cheating on his wife. Therefore, almost all women are trying to get information about a rival in order not to fight the enemy with their eyes closed. But it will not lead to anything good, except to mental agony. Moreover, no need to seek contact with his mistress and find out the relationship with her. It will be an unconditional loss.
If a woman wants to keep the family, you can not expel her husband on their own. When you have a soul-to-soul life behind you, you should not make decisions in the heat of the moment. Often a man in this difficult period for him is waiting for his wife support, understanding and actions, but he behaves so aggressively that his behavior repels. At this moment it seems to him that he will always think so. But someday the crisis will end, and the return of the family will not work. As life shows, it is at this moment that a man appears in his wife who loves her and children and is ready to move mountains for them.
How to help a man
So, a man after 40. Psychology implies a certain waterline during this period, which divides life into “before” and “after”. As soon as the wife sees the first symptoms of crisis, it is worth spending more time with the man, surrounding him with unobtrusive care and warmth.
During this period, the man begins to think about health and prefers to eat right. The wife needs to take into account this nuance and diversify or completely change the usual diet. If the husband is pretty smart, he will appreciate the efforts and patience of his wife and will not allow treachery in the form of adultery. After such a test, their lives can change drastically and become even better than they were before the crisis. A man should be aware of each act and understand what it can lead to. Traction to the novelty, no matter how strong it is, should not prevail over reason and adequacy.
Four models of crisis
The psychology of a man at 40, as well as his behavior, changes dramatically. Experts identify four models of crisis.
- The world is crumbling. It seems to a man that he is failing, life passes by and all desires remain unfulfilled.
- Pseudo-development. The man is completely dissatisfied with his life, although there are no obvious reasons for this. But at the same time, he demonstratively radiates happiness.
- Insult to fate. A person with such thinking is harder to overcome the crisis.
- Full implementation. A man who is confident in his abilities and does not suffer from hidden complexes, overcomes this difficult period with the least loss. He does not ruin his family and does not indulge in all serious things. Life has taught him that problems need to be solved, and not run away from them.
Knowing the secrets of the psychology of men, you can survive the fatal crisis without ruining your life and causing pain to people around you who sincerely love and experience.