You know you’re from New York when

About intelligence

Once Albert Einstein was asked what he sees the main difference between his own intelligence and the intelligence of other people. He thought for a while, and then replied: – If people are looking for a needle in a haystack, then most of them stop as soon as they find it. But I continue to search, finding the second, third, and perhaps, if I am very lucky, even the fourth and fifth needle.

Do you know the theory of relativity?

Albert Einstein’s spouse was asked: “Do you know Einstein’s theory of relativity?” “Not really,” she admitted. – But no one in the world knows Einstein himself better than me.


One day, having entered the Berlin tram, Einstein, out of habit, plunged into reading. Then, without looking at the conductor, he took out of his pocket the money counted in advance on the ticket. “Not enough here,” said the conductor. “It cannot be,” answered the scientist, not looking up from the book. “And I tell you, it is not enough.” Einstein again shook his head, they say, this can not be. The conductor was indignant: – Then consider, here are 15 pfennigs. So five more are missing. Einstein fumbled in his pocket and really found the right coin. He felt embarrassed, but the conductor, smiling, said: “Nothing, grandfather, you just need to learn arithmetic.”

On a visit

When Einstein was visiting the Curie couple, he noticed, sitting in the living room, that no one was sitting next to the chairs next to him. Then he turned to the host Joliot-Curie: – Sit near me, Frederick! But it seems to me that I am attending a meeting of the Prussian Academy of Sciences.


One day, Einstein was walking down Princeton’s corridor, and to meet him – a young and very un-talented physicist. Having reached Eintein, he slapped him familiarly on the shoulder and patronized him: “Well, how are you, colleague?” – Colleague? – Einstein asked in surprise. – Are you sick with rheumatism too?


Edison once complained to Einstein that he could not find an assistant. Einstein asked how he determines their suitability. In response, Edison showed him a few sheets of questions. Einstein began to read them: – How many miles from New York to Chicago? – and answered – It is necessary to glance in the railway directory. He read the following question: “What is stainless steel made of?” – and answered – This can be found in the handbook of metal science. Quickly reviewing the remaining questions, Einstein put the sheets down and said: “Without waiting for the refusal, I withdraw my candidacy myself.

About discoveries

Once at a lecture, Einstein was asked how great discoveries are made. He thought for a while and replied: – Suppose that everyone knows about something, that it cannot be done. However, there is one ignoramus who does not know this. He makes a discovery.


Einstein’s wife was asked what she thought of her husband. She replied: – My husband is a genius! He knows how to do absolutely everything except money!

About heredity

At one of the receptions, one young lady clung to Einstein and offered to have an intimate relationship with him in order to have common children. She twittered: – You imagine, dear, that they will be as smart as you, and as beautiful as me! Einstein politely pulled away from her and said thoughtfully: – This is, of course, wonderful! What if the opposite happens?


One day Einstein thoughtfully walked down the street and met his friend. He invited him to his house: – Come to me in the evening, I will have Professor Stimson. My friend was surprised: “But I am Stimson! Einstein replied: – It does not matter – come anyway.

Hans Eisler

Einstein and composer Hans Eisler somehow found themselves together in the same company. The hosts knew that Einstein played the violin well and asked him to play with Eisler. The composer agreed, Einstein tuned his violin, but. nothing came of it. How many times Eisler did not begin to play the intro, Einstein could not get into the beat. Eisler got up from behind the piano and said: “I don’t understand why the whole world considers a great person who can’t count to three!”

Time and eternity

American journalist Mrs. Thompson interviewed Einstein: – What, in your opinion, is the difference between time and eternity? “My child, if I had time to explain this difference to you, it would be an eternity before you understood it.”


When Einstein was once visiting, it began to rain on the street. The hosts offered the hat to the departing scientist, but he refused: – Why do I need a hat? I knew it would rain, and therefore did not take my hat. After all, it is obvious that the hat will dry much longer than my hair.

Great musician

Once Albert Einstein and the famous cellist Grigory Pyatigorsky together performed in a charity concert. There was one young journalist in the audience who was to write a report about the concert. He addressed a question to one of the listeners: – Excuse me, we all know Pyatigorsk, well, and this Einstein, who speaks today. – My God, do not you really know, this is the great Einstein! – Yes, of course, thank you, – the journalist was embarrassed and began to scribble something in his notebook. The next day, a report appeared in the newspaper about Pyatigorsky’s performance together with Einstein, a great musician, an incomparable virtuoso violinist who eclipsed Pyatigorsky himself with his brilliant play. The review made everyone laugh, and especially Einstein. He cut a note and constantly carried it with him, showed it to friends and said: – Do you think that I am a scientist? No, I’m a famous violinist, that’s who I really am!

About great thoughts

One brisk journalist, holding a notebook and a pencil in his hands, asked Einstein: – Do you have a notebook or a notebook where you write down your great thoughts? Einstein looked at him and said: – Young man! Truly great thoughts occur so rarely that it is not difficult to remember them.

Charlie Chaplin

Einstein loved the films of Charlie Chaplin and was very sympathetic towards him and his touching characters. Once he sent a telegram to Chaplin: "Your movie "Golden fever" understandable to everyone in the world, and I am sure that you will become a great person. Einstein". Chaplin replied: "I admire you even more. Your theory of relativity does not understand anyone in the world, but you still became a great man. Chaplin".


One day, Einstein was at a reception at the King of Belgium, Albert. After tea there was a small amateur concert, in which the Queen of Belgium took part. After the concert, Einstein approached the Queen: – Your Majesty, you have played excellently! Tell me, why do you need another queen profession?

Speaker difficulties

One day, Einstein gave a talk at one intense scientific conference. At the end of the conference, the organizers asked the scientist which of the moments of the conference was the most difficult for him. Einstein replied: – The biggest difficulty was to wake the listeners who fell asleep after the speech of the chairman who introduced me to the audience.

Award Award

In the summer of 1909, in honor of its 350th anniversary, the University of Geneva, founded by Calvin, awarded more than one hundred honorary doctoral degrees. One of them was intended for Albert Einstein, an employee of the Swiss Patent Office in Bern. When Einstein received a large envelope in which a sheet of gorgeous paper was inserted, filled with some colorful text in an incomprehensible language, he decided that it was Latin (in fact, it was French), a certain Tinstein was the recipient, and our hero sent the paper to trashcan. He later learned that this was an invitation to Calvin’s celebrations and a notice awarding an honorary doctorate from the University of Geneva. Since Einstein did not respond to the invitation, the university authorities turned to Einstein’s friend Lucien Shavan, who was able to convince Einstein to come to Geneva. But Einstein still did not know anything about the purpose of his trip and arrived in Geneva in a straw hat and a daily jacket, in which he had to participate in an academic procession. Further, what Einstein himself says: "The celebration ended with the most abundant feast of all that I have ever been to. I asked one of Geneva "city ​​fathers"with whom he sat next: – Do you know what Calvin would have done if he were here? The neighbor was curious – what exactly? Then I answered: “He would have set the fire and burned us all for the sin of gluttony.” My interlocutor made no sound, and this is where my memories of the glorious celebration break off".

About phone numbers

One lady friend asked Einstein to call her, but warned that her phone number is very difficult to remember: – 24-361. Remember? Repeat! Einstein was surprised: – Of course, I remembered! Two dozen and 19 squared.


At the end of 1936, the Berne Scientific Society sent Einstein an honorary diploma. When Einstein received this document, he exclaimed: – I will certainly insert it in a frame and hang it on the wall – after all, they have long mocked me and my ideas. However, on 4 January 1937, he sent a letter to Bern from Princeton with the following words: "You cannot imagine how pleased I am that the Bernese Scientific Society keeps a good memory of me. It was a message from my long past youth. I remembered the informative and cozy evening sessions and especially the therapist professor Sali with his delightful lecture notes. I immediately framed the diploma, and this is the only symbol of recognition that hangs in my office, recalling Bern and old friends. Please convey my heartfelt thanks to the members of the Society and tell them how much I appreciate their kindness.". Einstein received many different differences, but he did not insert them into frames and did not hang them on the wall, but put them in the far corner, which he called "vanity corner" ("Protzenecke").

Everything is relative

You know you're from New York when

In 1943, a schoolgirl from Washington complained to Einstein that she had difficulty giving mathematics and had to do much more than others to keep up with her comrades. Einstein answered her: – Do not be upset with your difficulties with math, believe me, my difficulties are even greater than yours.

It’s good that not everyone lives like that

In 1898, Einstein wrote to his sister Maya: "I have to work a lot, but still not too much. From time to time I manage to carve out an hour and laze around in the picturesque surroundings of Zurich. If everyone lived like me, there would be no adventure novels. "


Einstein completed his general theory of relativity in 1915, but world fame came to him only in 1919, when after processing solar eclipse observational data, Arthur Eddington and other British scientists confirmed the theory’s predicted effect of deflecting light rays in a gravitational field. No one was worried then, and even now few people are interested in the fact that this effect was confirmed only qualitatively, and quantitative estimates of the shift of the light beam are almost an order of magnitude different from those predicted by theory. It was the novelty of the effect. Einstein himself was quite calm about world fame and wrote to his friend Heinrich Zanger in a Christmas card: "Glory makes me stupid and stupid, which, however, is quite usual. There is a huge gap between what a person is and what others think of him or at least say out loud. But all this needs to be taken bitterly.".

Enough box

Einstein was famous for taking notes on everything that just came to hand (in order not to miss the thought). Once his wife was invited to open a new astronomical telescope. After the opening, she was given a small tour. The guide, who conducted it pointing to the telescope, said: – With this device we discover the secrets of the universe! To which Einstein’s wife said: “Strange, but my husband needs a stub of pencil and a box of matches.

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